Husbands, Marriage Detonation, Headship, and “Helpingship”
The discussion “On the Rock” continued here.
@Connie – I am a Christian of the Lutheran variety.
My “definition” is based partly on reading in the manosphere, partly on personal experience, and set on the foundation of Scripture.
You’ll find a number of references to “alpha” and “beta”. I personally consider “alpha” as showing leadership, positive “dominance”, confidence, self-sufficiency, fulfilling the role of headship of the relationship, and providing a way for a woman to be the helper God made her to be. Many people write about a “pilot/copilot” or “captain/executive officer” model, and I think those are good metaphores.
With respect to how the husband’s actions can contribute to a detonation – you need to start with the Biblical creation account. God created Eve to be Adam’s helper. After the fall, God’s punishment of Eve left her and all her female descendants with both a need for male headship in order for her to have a “helper” role to fulfill, and an innate rebellion of that headship, the place God placed her in, and the authority they represent.
I believe that rebellion takes the form of “fitness” or “shit” tests – where the woman gives a guy grief – with the unstated need to be “dominated”, shot down, told “no”, and put back into a “helper” role. In essence, she’s requiring her man to demonstrate his masculine power to her. If he fails that test, her reaction is one of contempt at his weakness. If he fails these tests long enough, she becomes “unhaaapy” partly because of the contempt, and partly because now she’s having to fulfill a “headship” role God gave to men to fulfill, instead of her God-given “helper” role. And if her sinful rebellion isn’t curbed by a strong man in her life, then bad things follow.
On the other hand, if you read enough, you’ll run into stories of relationships that were on the verge of detonation were brought back from the brink by the man finally drawing a line in the sand and saying “Enough! No More!” The woman finally has a head to help, both are fulfilling their God-given roles, and the relationship becomes much happier.
Do I think men acting like men would make for better marriages? As a life long single who’se chewing on his own red pill, just putting into practice the stuff what I’ve learned with the women I know (including my own mother!) has made a huge difference in my life, and I’m confident the same would hold true for married couples who are still under the “blue pill” curse. Improved social structures which made healthy marriages easier, divorce harder, and raised the consequences for infidelity would also help.